Truth has always hurt me deeply: that hope and love could never last forever, that the love I have for Ton was not enough to keep him alive. For all these years, I've thought that it was faith that kept us away from each other. I believed that he wanted to be beside me, but his faith had blocked his path. Now, I know that he was just not willing enough.
Knowing a lie, believing that his death was caused by malaria, was much easier to live with. As Sister Tam said so, this story had fooled me, and I was ready to give credence to such a cliche event. I have always been an ingenue person, at least in situations concerning Ton. Tam also told me that he had probably went down to Muong to ask her wife, pronouncing this word when it is next to another women's name shatters my heart into pieces every time, it he could, with permission, help me with our newborn daughter. But after their probable fight, since Ton cannot bare shame, he must have bared death. How easy it is to take away a person's life, while creating and building upon one is the hardest job I've ever had to do? How can death and life be so far ends, which connect every moment? My endless thoughts flowed like my tears, neither did I know how to stop them, nor did I want to.
I let out all of the strength I had inside me fight with my feelings but at that moment when I learned that Ton made my life miserable just because he could not bare shame, and that my dear Ton had took away his own life, the only one I know to be so precious and full of love, completely because of my own brother. My brother had once again made my life demeaning only because he cared for his own.
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